Growing Pains

This one probably isn’t going to have anything to do with food. This is an I need a free writing, need my group therapy kind of blog. It might turn into something food related but we'll see how it goes.

I feel like I'm going insane. It may be a period of adjustment, but I require the opportunity to express my concerns to an impartial party. Sometimes it is difficult to determine if the cause is hormonal changes, mental health issues, or an inability to express feelings without crying. I don't think my childhood trauma will be shared online. I mentioned all of that to bring the discussion to this point.

After nearly 40 years, I am finally developing a sense of self-worth. However, growth is not a linear process, and I am currently in a transitional phase between my past self and where I am headed. I am confident that I am ready to take the next steps in my journey in all aspects of my life, but I am currently facing some obstacles. I’m mentally physically and emotionally exhausted and in desperate need of a recharge with no end in sight. Work efforts didn’t go as I had hoped so I’m having to learn patients, which I hate as an only child. I'm worried that our focus on RV renovations might be hiding a deeper issue, or maybe I'm overthinking it. The person Id normally talk to about this I’m not really speaking to anymore, so I’m still mourning the loss of. I have reliable people on my side, so that part of the relationship is over. I have reached a point where I can support them without reacting negatively when they communicate with me; this is an improvement.

My husband and I adopted a puppy last year named Dime; I’ve done a blog on her and if you’re on my social media I’m sure you have seen her. Her new favorite thing to do is to wake us all up early as hell for play time. Whether I work nights or not at like 830 am were all awoke my doggy kisses and play time. My amazing husband is training her to be the best early seizure detector in the world, and they’re doing an awesome job. She’s even letting me teach her a new command. It is very rewarding to witness her development and success with us, although I occasionally experience frustration due to my personal need for space.

We are experiencing challenges associated with growth, which appears to be a consistent theme in my life recently. I’m deep in Calcutta doing the work needed for growth and enlightenment, but I just feel stuck. My main challenge stems from a long-standing tendency to prioritize pleasing others, combined with frustration from feeling unheard and undervalued over an extended period. As a result, it is taking more time than anticipated to change these habits and improve social skills. I am my own harshest critic and often prioritize the needs of others. However, minor inconveniences can cause significant mental distress, making it feel like my mind is on the verge of self-destruction.

What I’m trying to teach myself now is grace. If I try, something positive will result. Some days are challenging, but perseverance is key to achieving success. I have decided to take up boxing to manage frustration, and gardening to promote calmness and patience. The gardening is honestly the closes thing I can think of to food. Theres a blog in the work for next week that explains a lot more of the stackable garden starter. All of this with work and RV renovations have me walking around like a Jello zombie half the time but I’m learning a balance and harmony in my life.

Thank you for allowing me to express my emotions, despite this being primarily a food blog. It is reassuring to know that you always support me, regardless of how unconventional my writing may be. Progress of any kind and any amount counts my friends. Thank you again for being a safe space for me to get real and raw. It is time to tidy up and head home to rest for the night. Wishing you all the best!